What Do You Know Of Your Life’s Heartbeat?
I should be writing my book now. I am writing my book. It’s just that, well, I kind of miss blogging. The thrill of writing a short story, and sharing it straight after. My heart skipping a beat when I press ‘Publish’.
Also, I happen to have a short story for you. Assuming that you’re intrigued.
It’s the story of our Life’s heartbeat.
Have you noticed how your life can feel balanced, with the elements of family, work, money, and health all in harmony, and then — out of the blue — that balance is gone?!
A friend calls you in distress, you do everything you can to help, you get absorbed into her story for a while, and then — POOF! — things go back to normal again. Just like that. Except, your friendship has approved because the hardship made your friend open up even more to you. And you’ve discovered that you’re a much better listener than you’d been giving yourself credit for.
Next, the company you work for goes bankrupt and you’re forced to find another job. Seemingly more disruptive, yet the same thing happens: instead of looking for another job, you decide to start freelancing, you get to work on several projects, and — POOF! — you land back into balance once more. Except, you now are working from a place of strong independence, and you learn what your service is worth because you get to ‘sell’ it so often.
Our Life’s heartbeat has a steady rhythm of balance-disruption-balance. A rhythm that grows stronger with every pulse, because the second balance is filled with lessons learned from the disruption. That’s what the disruption is there for.
I haven’t even gotten to the ‘official’ story yet, and I am already guessing you may have gained a more faithful perspective with regards to any adversity that is currently part of your Life. My guess is that you now understand that it is not the disruption that counts, not even the perceived magnitude of it, but THE WAY YOU DEAL WITH the disruption.
Anyway, I made you read this far, so I’d better come up with a juice story. You’ll laugh at my teenager-like behavior in it. You’ll see it’s a story within the story of a story. You’ll know it’s all part of my Life’s heartbeat.
As I cross the street, walking up towards the coffee shop, I wonder why my intuition sends me there. My plan was to go to the coffee place in the opposite direction, but when I stood there I somehow drew a blank. Nothing of what was offered appealed to me, so I walked out — confused by this feeling of confusion.
I look up, and then I see him.
He is tall, has dark hair, is wearing light blue jeans (like mine today) and a black coat (like mine today). He is also wearing a black wireless headset, and seems to be talking on the phone with it. I cannot help but stare at him. I know this kind of attraction very well and I won’t bother trying to explain it anymore. It’s beyond the physical appearance, there is something about his frequency that draws my frequency in. All the magic aside, though, I pass him by and enter the coffee shop.
I am cat sitting in Amsterdam, I am over the moon with joy for having a book to write, and: I am not sleeping. Enter the sudden importance of a decent cup of coffee.
On a not so earthly level, I realize my insomnia is possibly influenced by the upcoming Full Moon. It’s the perfect recipe for restless sleep and vivid (day)dreams, so I decide to make the most of it. During those waking night hours, as much as I can, I guide my thinking in the direction of book ideas. It works! I have been unwrapping one clarity after another, and by the time I am writing them down I even remember most of it.
The above incident currently prevents me from taking notes about my nightly inspiration, however, and it is why I decided to write this bit down first. The event sparked too much in me — or is that the caffeine from the second cup of coffee? — and I love following what excites me, especially when I am in the process of writing.
So. While still under the influence of this man’s frequency, I arrive at the counter and attempt to go back to business as usual by ordering coffee. It’s almost impossible. From the corner of my right eye I can still see him standing outside, in front of one of the shop windows. “Focus, Pauline, focus”, I softly tell myself. I manage to order, and notice how the coffees and sweets actually appeal to me — in contrast to the coffee place before. (This is how intuition works, need I say more?)
As I move over to the left side of the counter, where my latte and carrot cake to-go will appear, I hear a male voice ordering a kurkuma tea. I don’t even have to look over to know it’s him. Funnily enough, I notice how the two female baristas are impressed by his appearance as well, and it makes me smile. One of them asks him if he knows where to put the emphasis when pronouncing ‘kur-ku-ma’. Bless my empathic abilities for recognizing her attempt to make conversation with this handsome customer. She then turns to me, and hands me my latte to-go. I thank her, put the cake in my bag and…linger. My feet are stuck to the ground and nothing in my body wishes to co-operate for the moment. I look down at my coffee cup and thank the heavens for noticing that there is no lid on the cup. The barista is now busy with my man’s (I just had to see that in writing!) kurkuma tea, so I wait with asking for her attention. From the corner of my eye, I glance over to his side of the counter.
Why can I not come up with something to say? Where have all of my witty remarks gone?
As the barista moves over in my direction again, I ask her for the coffee cup lids and she replies they are over by the door. It gives me a valid reason to pass by my love interest, slowly and closely, as my coffee cup almost runneth over. As I walk up to the door, he suddenly turns and walks straight at me. Everything else may fail, but I manage one thing: to look for his eyes, and see if he makes contact. He does.
Big light brown eyes look back at me, intense and intentionally.
I feel my mouth make the shape of a sheepish smile and I wish it wouldn’t. “A sheepish smile is better than a serious look”, I convince my insecure Ego. It’s about the last friendly thought I can think of, because everything that follows is a long line of swear words and accusations of cowardliness. The whole walk back to the apartment I wonder and I ponder about what just happened. Only once I open the front door, do I manage to let in a friendly word again.
During my night of insomnia I had also pondered about the prophecy three different mediums had made for my Zodiac sign — Aquarius — over the month of October. Independent of each other, these mediums (and their tarot cards) have predicted a love interest for that month. I always take this kind of foretelling with a grain of salt, because I know from my own experience that the same card can have a variety of meanings — depending on someone’s particular focus and situation. Nonetheless, this particular divination had sparked my curiosity and also made me realize I haven’t felt that head-over-heels-loving-feeling in, well, years. Would I ever feel it again? A reasonable question when you’re up and supposed to be sleeping.
So, what occurs to me as I open the door to the apartment, is that the Cosmos has given me an answer to my question. The insecurity I felt in the presence of this man, the impulse to go back to the coffee shop and stake out there until the object of my affection returns, all of this feels familiar but hasn’t been felt by me for so long! Gratitude is taking over. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me feel this ALIVE again!
And, as I am writing this down, another realization crosses my mind: all three of those predictions contained a ‘Suit of Cups’ tarot card. And what was I holding when this man and I made eye contact? Indeed, a coffee CUP!
From the balance I found at the cat sitting apartment, I went into insomnia. I made my peace with the lack of rest; I learned how to be productive in those hours, and all was well again. Next, I ran into this scene straight out of a B movie. For a moment there, it felt like I was hit by a love truck. Until I realized I had actually asked for that particular feeling. The lesson of ‘be careful what you wish for’ (and be grateful for what you get!) brought harmony back into my Life’s heartbeat.
Okay, enough with the cheating on my book. Back to balance again.