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| Pauline Siebers

Love in times of darkness. Sun in poetry. And my friend Rumi

For the past few days, the sun shines through my bedroom window when I have breakfast. I slide my chair to the center of the room, where the sun reaches my face, and hold my breakfast in my hand.

I close my eyes. The sun touches my face. Gently. Warmly.

 

I take a bite, close my eyes and let my taste buds do their work. This is nice.

So much has changed, in a week’s time, that my head has trouble understanding it all. So, now even more than before, I give my heartfelt feelings precedence over my fear. The feeling of the sun on my face. The feeling when a friend contacts me. The warmth in the gesture. The question that strips our hearts bare, “How do you fare?”

 

So much love I am experiencing around me. Friend Rumi once put it beautifully:

 

“How all the world trembles, on high and below, because of Love,
which transcends all below and on high!
When the sun has arisen, where then remains night?
When the army of grace has come, where then remains affliction?
I fell silent; Soul of the soul, do you speak,
for every atom has grown articulate out of love for your face.”

— Rumi (in Mystical poems of Rumi, translated by A.J. Arberry)

 

Later in the day, the sun and Rumi disappear into the background. I succumb to a new wave of information and messages. Dark clouds stick together in my mind. My body feels heavy, the world feels like thick treacle.

 

Oh sun, oh Love, oh Rumi, where are you? Why do I keep forgetting about you?

 

When I feel resistance to what IS, when I find things unfair, or suddenly figure myself to be more or less than someone else, I make a note of it. Once the storm in my mind has subsided, I enter an inner investigation:

 

Where does the resistance come from? Which belief of mine has been contradicted and / or which belief would I like to see confirmed?

 

Humans tend to remove the things we don’t appreciate, things that don’t fit the picture of a ‘perfect’ world. Get rid of it. Delete. Under the carpet. In the closet. Because what cannot be seen does not exist: “…when the sun has arisen, where then remains night?”

 

I’m the kind of person who wants all of her notifications to be 0. I don’t wish to see those red dots on my phone and my inbox number of unread messages ought to stay 10 or less. Convinced of my command. And an idealist. Imagine the short circuit in the command center of my mind when something / someone / an idea does not fit within the framework of my beliefs!

 

Friend Rumi knows how to keep his cool, though. He is one of the guides in my growing consciousness and loves to help me remember:

 

Evil they knew not, for in Him there’s none;
Yet without evil how should good be seen?
Love answers: ‘Feel with me, with me be one;
Where I am nought stands up to come between’.”

— Rumi (in Mystical poems of Rumi, translated by A.J. Arberry)

 

All there is, IS here for a reason. You can conceal it under the carpet, but it doesn’t stop ex-IS-ting. In fact, what better way to discover my beliefs than to run into some(one’s) opposition to those beliefs? How do I know what I find important, what I stand for, if I don’t come across situations, people and opinions that contradict and challenge me?

 

Love does not exclude. Where Love is, “nought stands up to come between.”

 

So I don’t have to contradict the opposition. It helps me better understand who I AM. I also don’t have to dismiss my resistance. It reminds me where my boundaries lie.

 

Giving in to my feeling, I suddenly see the similarities between myself and the other person. I see how the situation I don’t want, actually suits the moment. I see how this other opinion is no better or worse than mine — as it is an opinion, it is EQUAL to mine.

 

When the world feels like thick treacle, and I am willing to explore both my resistance and my beliefs, my consciousness grows. I realize — and remember — that I have a choice: I can (stubbornly) hold on to the smaller version of my belief or I can go along with the loving, bigger belief of the oneness of Life.

 

Accepting that what IS, may BE.

 

In the evening, around dinner time, the sun shines through the same window. Given the movement of our Earth, that is not possible. But it just so happens that the neighbor has a very large window opposite mine. A window that catches the setting sun, acts as a mirror, and lets the sun enter my bedroom at the same spot.

 

Thus, once again, I put my chair in the middle of the room and let the sun caress my face.

 

“All my six directions, Beloved, are graven with your beauty,
you shine in the mirror, since it has been polished by you.
The mirror sees you according to the measure of its breadth;
how shall the shapes of your perfection be contained in the mirror?
The sun asked your sun, ‘When shall I see you?’
It replied, ‘I shall rise in the time of your setting’.”

— Rumi (in Mystical poems of Rumi, translated by A.J. Arberry)

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by PS

 

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Post By Pauline Siebers
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