| Pauline Siebers

A heart-to-heart: how the past 10 months have prepared me for the events that accompany COVID-19

With all the articles and information currently available, I have wondered if more is better. But the accumulation of ‘coincidences’ in my life is doing its job, and I have surrendered to the words that lovingly push themselves upon me.

Dear reader, how are you doing? How are you feeling right now?


I invite you to take a deep breath in and out. Make it a long sigh if you like. It’s quite something, the situation we have all ended up in now. Quite a bit of a hassle too.


What I share with you here comes from my heart, and is largely about me. To which I state explicitly that this is not for my own glorification. I share it because I have come to see how my life of the past 10 months has prepared me for today. Not that I had a crystal ball to predict this very moment, because I really had no idea. But the past week has been one of many recognitions, and that felt odd to realize — to say the least. So here we go:


After two years of happily living in the South of France, I was intuitively pushed to leave about a year ago. From one day to the next, I decided I wished to travel. Or that’s what my mind said. My heart’s message was: “Give your things away as much as possible, make yourself l i g h t and then go”. As if that made any sense! “No,” my mind said, “I want to go to Ibiza.”


This movement, like a new virus, came out of nowhere.


The motivation I had given myself turned out to be quite helpful by the time my entire Ibiza plan fell apart. Enticing Ibiza turned into a devout pilgrimage. And since I had already ‘canceled’ my life in France, I had two weeks to change the whole operation into a re-entry trip to The Netherlands. What a thrill!


Once I was back in The Netherlands, it dawned on me that this was actually the best scenario: I now only had five boxes of stuff and my ‘anchor’ was placed conveniently with my parents. From here on I was as free as a bird and would finally be able to travel.


Not long after, my mother broke her leg and my father and I focused on taking care of her and our household. I started to wonder. What if that whole move from France was for a different reason than the one I had given it?


The first consequences of my move started to get a grip on me. I became more alert to other indications that could be suggesting a change of course.


Besides caring for my mother, Summer was also just Summer. I enjoyed the weather and seeing my friends again. My bank balance went down a little faster than before, but I trusted — as I still do — on the Universal principle of abundance. By staying true to what feels right, I trust that I get what I need. Since abundance translates into much more than money alone, it often leads to surprises for me.


In the fall I received a new twist to the plot: the inspiration to start writing the book about my pilgrimage. With the help of my wonderful friends I also manifested the idea to add a form of sponsorship to this book.


I had found another ‘measure’ to make up for my lack of income. No financial debt for me, ‘not in my backyard.’


Come January I still had no sponsor(s), but I did have new inspiration. The research that I had started on various topics for my book, together with the fears that I faced due to my financial situation, made me want to share some lessons learnt with the world. For four weeks I kept myself fascinated and occupied with my own version of the Medicine Wheel  — an initiative that brought me even more insights. Including the insight to share my financial situation with my environment. I faced my shame and I befriended it too.


Fewer and fewer social gatherings (due to a small budget) went hand in hand (pun intended) with more heartwarming conversations online.


By now, I have made many ‘confessions’ over the phone. Literally. I’m calling creditors and tell them I don’t have the money to pay the bill right now. I also tell them that I don’t know exactly when I do have that money, and that I’m doing everything I can to generate income. Which is the truth as well as my responsibility. Confessing ‘guilt’ often has a submissive aftertaste. For me, however, it means having a straight back, acting from my True Power, and consciously responding to the current situation. That is my response-ability.


This is in line with the present moment of the COVID-19 pandemic: every person on Earth experiences the prominent invitation to consciously respond to the current situation. And people make their own choices.


I am slowly generating more income through new clients. Until last week I saw opportunities to generate more work on top of that. Those opportunities are now on the back burner. They have been replaced by one prominent opportunity: to use my experience for the purpose of wholeheartedly putting other people’s minds at ease.


My family and friends say that I inspire them by the way I deal with my (financial) situation. Because I have been living with my parents for the past 10 months (though I only made peace with that situation a few months ago), because I have become more and more isolated over the past six months, but not less happy, and because I realize — one phone call at a time — that the creditor is not going to cut my head off. She / he only asks for compliance with our contract. Rightly so.


Until a week ago, I told my family and friends that my situation may be inspiring, but it is also extreme and exceptional. The latter is no longer the case.


You, dear reader, probably recognize parts of your own situation in my story. If it helps you to think “Oh, it can be worse. Glad I’m not her”, be my guest. If you’re not moved, that’s allright too.


When death suddenly comes close, it is very human to dwell on your life. And make no mistake, I know from experience that you don’t have to be sick to experience mortal fear. In our current society, an empty bank account feels just as life-threatening. I also know that FACING this fear is the best medicine. After that, you will feel healed, liberated and full of inspiration.


How to deal with that fear? First of all, don’t push it away. That fear is here, as it should be. It’s a natural reaction to the situation at hand. So, second, allow yourself to fully become aware of your fear(s). What exactly are you afraid of? Write it down. Share it with someone. And notice: as soon as you see and / or express what you are afraid of, a different perspective soon follows. We humans are extremely creative beings and the duality of Nature places a solution next to every challenge. Within that trinity of solution, challenge and you, YOU are the one who determines your direction. Nothing and no one else!


I now see that every part of the pilgrimage that I started a year ago was, and is, an essential and valuable part of my journey. No, I did not always agree with what I got. But the less I resist whatever arrives on my (pilgrim’s) path, the smoother I experience the journey — a lesson that applies to EVERY MOMENT of the day. Without exceptions.


I wish you all the health in the world. And a lot of love for and on the journey you are now making.


A big virtual hug,




Photo by PS

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Post By Pauline Siebers